I am so sorry, what a terrible time you are going through. While this too shall pass is a cliche, it is also, thank goodness, true, but in the meanwhile, all this must hurt so much. Big virtual hugs.
When the pain of loss fades a bit, you'll realize that you did the only thing that really mattered at the end, just by being there. All of us at, or near, "final approach" want to pass peacefully in our sleep. That's not always possible, but having a loved one there at the end has to be the next best thing. As for your uncle's letter, let's not forget that, as a guy, he may have simply assumed that you were adopted, given the difficulties your mom had. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy to have made great decisions, so I wouldn't put a lot of store in what he said. Even if it should turn out that you really were adopted, you grew up with two parents that loved you. You repaid that love in those last months of your mother's life, adopted or not. In time you'll come to terms with that. As for cleaning as a form of therapy, it's better than booze or pills. Our own 3 sons learned that if they came home well past curfew, and their mother was vacuuming, it was not going to be a good night! Your mom was probably old enough to have experienced some of the Great Depression. People who grew up then had a tendency to hang on to a lot of stuff that makes no sense to us. When my wife and her brother cleaned out their mother's house after she passed, they found a heavy box in the far corner of the attic. When they got it down into the light, and read the carefully written label, they collapsed in giggles. It said "Receipts, no longer useful".
Oh Bev, I almost thought I was reading my own story, but, no, I wasn't adopted, no chance of that but if I was it would make perfect sense to me. I'm so sorry you can't get the answers you need, that's so horrible. I feel your anguish in your words. You write magnificently, by the way. I hope things get easier in time. I know, no one wants to hear that shit but, I mean it.
I am working on an ‘in the event of my death’ box. Non digital notes to my daughters (mostly, my wife being unlucky enough to be with me most of the time. I hope it helps them.
My aim is to die with dignity, but I have seen too much to consider it likely.
Even when your parents die, it is your own life that you need to live. It is easy to get their story confused with yours. Best of luck with the rest of the year
Always a hard time. Stay wary, especially from any communications from that nursing home, since they may continue after your mom's estate if the owners think they can manufacture some bogus bills. In our country, death is a for-profit business.
Other than this try and keep your sanity from all the red tape from government and others who magically appear interested in your mother's passing. You will get through all this.
I am so sorry, what a terrible time you are going through. While this too shall pass is a cliche, it is also, thank goodness, true, but in the meanwhile, all this must hurt so much. Big virtual hugs.
When the pain of loss fades a bit, you'll realize that you did the only thing that really mattered at the end, just by being there. All of us at, or near, "final approach" want to pass peacefully in our sleep. That's not always possible, but having a loved one there at the end has to be the next best thing. As for your uncle's letter, let's not forget that, as a guy, he may have simply assumed that you were adopted, given the difficulties your mom had. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy to have made great decisions, so I wouldn't put a lot of store in what he said. Even if it should turn out that you really were adopted, you grew up with two parents that loved you. You repaid that love in those last months of your mother's life, adopted or not. In time you'll come to terms with that. As for cleaning as a form of therapy, it's better than booze or pills. Our own 3 sons learned that if they came home well past curfew, and their mother was vacuuming, it was not going to be a good night! Your mom was probably old enough to have experienced some of the Great Depression. People who grew up then had a tendency to hang on to a lot of stuff that makes no sense to us. When my wife and her brother cleaned out their mother's house after she passed, they found a heavy box in the far corner of the attic. When they got it down into the light, and read the carefully written label, they collapsed in giggles. It said "Receipts, no longer useful".
Take care, Bev. I second Mary's comment -- just hang in there and let time work its healing power.
Oh Bev, I almost thought I was reading my own story, but, no, I wasn't adopted, no chance of that but if I was it would make perfect sense to me. I'm so sorry you can't get the answers you need, that's so horrible. I feel your anguish in your words. You write magnificently, by the way. I hope things get easier in time. I know, no one wants to hear that shit but, I mean it.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Bev and hope you can find closure, one way or the other. Keep strong and remember all the good times. Sending you hugs.
You are getting WRECKED. Keep your head above water!
I am working on an ‘in the event of my death’ box. Non digital notes to my daughters (mostly, my wife being unlucky enough to be with me most of the time. I hope it helps them.
My aim is to die with dignity, but I have seen too much to consider it likely.
Even when your parents die, it is your own life that you need to live. It is easy to get their story confused with yours. Best of luck with the rest of the year
My family was in a similar situation recently with the deaths of my grandmother and uncle, so I understand your feelings.
Oh, Bev, I’m so sorry. This kind of terrible situation is supposed to bring some sort of closure, not break open new questions and selves.
Always a hard time. Stay wary, especially from any communications from that nursing home, since they may continue after your mom's estate if the owners think they can manufacture some bogus bills. In our country, death is a for-profit business.
Other than this try and keep your sanity from all the red tape from government and others who magically appear interested in your mother's passing. You will get through all this.