When Did “I Appreciate You” Replace a Simple “Thanks”?

Everybody just gets more annoying.

As a writer, I’m fascinated by phrases — the shorthand we mindlessly use to communicate with each other.

I’m okay with all the stupid slang the kids use. Slay away. I use to say “bizarre” and “awesome” approximately one thousand times a day, so he who is without sin, etc.

But when grown people started saying “top of mind” as some kind of stand-alone phrase, instead of “at the top of my mind” like normal human beings, something in me snapped.

And then somebody appreciated me, and I came this close to going on a killing spree.

Somehow, somewhere — and I bet it was started by some 20-year-old, filter-faced Instagram influencer — “I appreciate you” replaced “Thank you”, for the sole purpose of pissing me off.

The phrase “I appreciate you” somehow manages to sound both fake and patronizing at the same time. It’s right up there with “Good for you!”, which has never, in the history of the world, been meant sincerely.

In fact, “Good for you!” means the exact opposite. It means, “You’re a moron.”

Just like “I appreciate you” is a backhanded way of saying, “Thanks for nothing.” It’s the latest weapon in the war to Never Offend Anyone and to Be All Things to All People.

Everybody is verbally walking on eggshells because of cancel culture.

Also, yes, I don’t have any patience and I want every interaction to be over as soon as humanly possible.

“I appreciate you” is three words.

“Thanks.” One word.

Look at all the time you’ll save over the course of a lifetime by just saying “Thanks,” instead of some ridiculous phrase birthed in the hellscape of blonde-girl social media.

I know “I appreciate you” is meant to somehow form an empathic bond between the speaker and the speak-ee. It’s intended as some sort of cozy verbal hug.

Don’t hug me. Not with your arms and not with your words. You asked something of me and I provided it.

A simple “Thanks” will do.

---