Weird Instagram Food with A Dash of Gastro Obscura and FOMOOF (an acronym I just made up)
The less you can eat, the more you think about food. Fun!
Yesterday, I had a bug living in my eye for a short period of time.
But really, isn’t any period of time too long for a bug to live in your eye? He went out fighting, so I’m one-eyeing it today—my kindgom for an eye patch, especially since it’s Halloween. “No, I’m not a pirate,” I would say witheringly. “I’m obviously Moshe Dayan.”
Cretins.
My legs are killing me from planting 50 tulips I don’t remember ordering and I’m obsessing that my sternum is bulging. Hello, hypochondria, my old friend.
Meanwhile, my boss shared with me in passing that he’s being fitted for a CPAP machine and that he’s been having crushing chest pain in the night that radiates down his left arm.
Does he feel the need to GET THAT CHECKED OUT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW?
No.
If my boss dies, I guess I’ll be doing a lot more writing and a lot less eating.
Speaking of eating, what the hell is this?
My Instagram feed is full of mystery foods, and a lot of it is green and/or disturbingly wobbly.
Most of the wobbly stuff comes from Asian accounts since Japan is of course the home of the Japanese pancake (hence the name):
The Turkish stuff is usually green and I’m assuming it’s made from pistachios. All of it. It’s all made from pistachios.
That’s all Turkish people eat apparently, and since the caption on the post is in Turkish (I guess) and there aren’t as many comments as there would be on TikTok (and they’re in Turkish anyway) I have no idea what the food being shown actually is.
And then there’s this guy:
I’m sure he’s a wonderful human being, but he looks like a serial killer who’ll at least make you a good meal before he grinds you into köfte.
I feel like I’m missing out on so much good food because I live in the back of beyond. There should be an acronym — FOMOOF, Fear Of Missing Out On Food.
Whch is why I love Gastro Obscura. An offshoot of Atlas Obscura (also fab), Gastro brings you all the weird and wacky food stories you could possibly need.
If you want to look at Asian street food porn, go to Netflix. If you want to read about the disappearance of the peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich, go to Gastro Obscura.
The most aggravating thing for me is that, even if my digestive system could tolerate all the delish things I see on IG, where would you like me to buy Vietnamese star anise? It’s a miracle I can even get bok choy.
Or how about When Guinea Pig Goes Gourmet? (Sorry, Snuffles). I can probably get my hands on a guinea pig. Just remember not to ask the PetSmart sales associate, “Does this one look tender?”
Sign up for Gastro Obscura’s newsletter and start reading about foods and trends you’ve never heard about, but can now never purge from your mind.
You’re welcome.
That peanut butter and mayo sandwich pic made me physically ill.
Thanks! LOL
Some of the pictures in this story are enough to possibly cause some kind of gastro-death.