The Importance of Schedules To My So-Called Life
Is writing about schedules on today's schedule? Hell no.
I intended to sit down and write about that time I slept with a murder suspect.
But I’ve had too little sleep, too much caffeine, and way, way too much TikTok.
TikTok, like caffeine and heroin, is also a drug. I can’t take just a little—it’s either too much or don’t even bother suiting up.
Writing is a struggle right now because I’m having GI issues that necessitate another in a long series of endoscopies, which I’ve seen described as a very expensive nap. Gotta admit, Michael Jackson was right about the propofol.
You might see a connection between the GI issues, caffeine, and TikTok, but you would be wrong. That’s conspiracy talk is what that is.
It’s 9:30 a.m. and I’m already off schedule.
Schedules are important when you live alone because otherwise, your day is an amorphous blob of tiny distractions that do nothing to help you achieve your life goals, which as a creative, never take a day off. Ever. Ever ever ever.
This was my alleged schedule for today:
Wake up. (check)
Work out. (still in the cards)
Write about Brian Macron, “The Man Who Murdered Himself”, which is a fascinating topic that deserves a multi-week draft because it’s the kind of thing that gets optioned for a movie, just like the story of the (completely insane) brothers behind the iconic Farah Fawcett poster who also lived near me and if anybody wants to co-write that with me (and by that, I mean you’ll do the writing and I’ll do the research because, I mean, I live right here) please DM me. I’m thinking Paul Thomas Anderson to direct.
Go to Discount Drug Mart, our local carry-everything store, which is vital to any small town. Milk? Check. Long underwear? Also check.
Get Chinese take-out for my mom (look, she’s 93. Does it really matter what she eats, as long as she eats?).
Walk the dog (twice).
Clean the house.Look for transcription work (there probably isn’t any. Holidays are what I call the Generic Cereal time of the year. Two dollars cheaper than the name brand? Yes, please, Honee Bonches of Oates.)
What I am doing instead:
This, because I feel guilty if I don’t post something every week, like anybody notices or cares. But I think my paying customers deserve it (she said threateningly).
Researching moo goo gai pan. (Which is pointless because my local place doesn’t even sell it, which just seems wrong.)
Putting things away so I can see my floor (dog toys don’t count and are still two-layers deep. It’s like living in a claw machine).
Taking said dog for a walk, which always, always takes priority.
Eating? Is eating in here somewhere?
Thinking about writing something for Listverse, which is also a life-consuming black hole, but they pay $100 if you can just find something that hasn’t been done before. Good luck with that.
The problem with schedules is that they promise to de-stress your day, but it’s a cruel joke.
The further off-schedule I stray, the more stressed I get. All those things I haven’t done, as my mental hourglass pisses sand into a little mound of failure.
And then there’s the eternal schedule, the One Schedule To Rule Them All:
Compile a collection. (Easy)
Write an actual book. (Hard)
Get an agent. (Impossible)
Sell every book in my possession on Amazon. (Meh. Probably not all that hard and it would free up a lot of space).
I also need to wash the dog, which is how everything else in the bathroom gets washed.
Have you seen those dog washing stations they build in high-end houses these days? This, to me, is the epitome of white privilege. A space dedicated solely to the washing of your dog.
It’s insane, and I want it.
Okay, time to exercise, which (allegedly) relieves stress and is Good For You.
If I can accomplish even one thing on today’s demonic schedule, it’s a victory. And those 15-year-old episodes of Flipping Out aren’t going to watch themselves.
You're at least two up on me, Bev. Of course, I cheat since I don't have a dog. So far the most productive thing I've even attempted today (does getting out of bed and doing PT stretches count?) is writing this response.
I say we ditch all schedules, goals, resolutions, and attempts at productivity and spend 2023 scrolling through TikTok and Instagram with breaks to eat and go to the bathroom.
Happy new year, my friend!
PS - I had NO idea my old stomping grounds were home to such fame and notoriety.
I am up at 5 am writing my daily to-do list and repositioning my goals now that I've arrived in Tucson. I finally said F* it - if I'm gonna wake up at 3:30 am and know I'm not going back to sleep, I'm DOING something. To-Do lists count as doing something. They count, dammit. So far have checked off two items before becoming distracted by your article. I firmly believe some things get do with the list, but mostly I just feel better that I accomplished one thing!