This has nothing to do with anything, but I’ve had a lot of coffee so I thought I’d share.
I’ve been eating a lot of McDonald’s lately because I have coupons (*choir of angels sings*) and I cannot, MUST not let their lives have been in vain.
See, this is why poor people die sooner. If you only have $5, are you going to buy a clamshell of organic lettuce, or are you going to buy a Big Mac meal?
I rest my case.
The coupons are only good at one McDonald’s near me and I usually go on a weekend morning. The same woman works this drive-thru window every weekend.
And this is what she says to me every weekend:
“I like your glasses.”
Every. Weekend.
Now, I’m not a total bitch (no, I am), and I’m pretty sure she’s giving me a compliment in all sincerity because, come on, they are pretty great glasses.
But every weekend? It’s like Groundhog Day.
I get that she must talk to about a billion people, but you’d think after the third or fourth time, she’d at least recognize the glasses.
I know I’m getting old because I don’t know any of the current slang terms the kids are using. I’ve managed to pick up one or two on TikTok. But they seem weak. Anemic.
Fire? Really? That’s the best you can do?
Slaps? Mm. Okay.
Thicc? Wow, that’s imaginative.
The most inventive thing I’ve heard in a while is spill the tea (i.e. share the gossip). It has action and movement (spill) and an object (tea). It’s a sentence in and of itself. It’s a weirdly satisfying phrase.
Spill the tea is almost, but not quite, as inventive as that greatest of all slang phrases:
Gag me with a spoon.
The reasons for the epicness of gag me with a spoon are myriad.
It’s not just the words (which probably refer to self-induced vomiting — fun!) it’s the tone, accent, and inflection needed to say the phrase properly, as demonstrated in this painfully dated video of Moon Unit Zappa singing her dad’s hit song, Valley Girl (actually, it’s more of a lip-synched rap performance):
What other slang phrase has been so central to both a movie and a song?
Valley speak was a huge part of my formative years in a way that I don’t think has been equaled before or since. And I live in Ohio. The vocal and linguistic quirks of one valley on the other side of the country blanketed the entire nation.
Yes, I still say “gag me with a spoon,” and it’s great to think that one day I’ll be in a nursing home with other people my age complaining about the gnarly food and saying “Gag me with a spoon” in our creaky old-people voices while Gangsta’s Paradise blasts through the halls.
It’ll be bitchin’.
Other than inflicting Valley Girl on us all, this was laugh out loud funny! Thanks again.
Oh, my. I have not thought of "gag me with a spoon" in a while, but I hear you sister! We used "psych" and "doy" quite a bit, too.