I’ve Decided To Live In A Van Down By The River
Follow me on Instagram #RVlife #poopbucket #vandownbytheriver
Hey Facebook Fam!
Big news! I’ve decided to live in a van down by the river! 🚐🌊🙌
You’re probably saying to yourself, “Wow, why didn’t I think of ditching my job and my home and my family to live in a van down by the river?”
Well, I’ve been following a lot of #RVlife posts on the IG and I couldn’t stop thinking about how great it would be to live in a van down by the river!
And then I watched that movie Nomadland with Frannie McDormand, and maybe I took the scene about pooping into a bucket the wrong way, but it really captured the glamour and freedom of the open road! 💩🎆
Some kids spray-painted a giant penis on the side of the van last night. But that’s #nobigdeal since I’m down by the river and nobody’s going to see it except the serial killers who come here to dump bodies 🍆#TedBundy.
Some people might take my decision to live in a van down by the river as a sign that something in my life has gone horribly, horribly wrong #downwardlymobile #completelyinsane.
Nothing could be further from the truth! No thank you #carbonfootprint. My decision to live in a van down by the river was made after much thought, a conversation with my #higherpower🙏, and after watching YouTube videos for three days straight without sleeping #savetheplanet.
Living in a van down by the river isn’t easy. All of my food is in a bag that I hung from a tree limb to keep it safe from bears. I saw that on an episode of Grizzly Adams when I was a kid. I don’t really know anything about living #offthegrid except for what I learned reading My Side of the Mountain 50 times in the seventh grade and watching Bear Grylls drink his own pee (one star, cannot recommend).
Using a poop bucket takes a lot of lower body strength, so make sure you’ve mastered the power squat before you even think about living in a van down by the river.
This might be the mushrooms talking, but raccoons are gentle lovers #littleknownfact. And their little hands make them unbeatable at Jenga so don’t even think about inviting them to game night unless you want to lose 🤣🤣🤣.
Sometimes it gets crowded in the van with all of my raccoon lovers, so then I just eat a few mushrooms, get naked, and sleep outside in a patch of poison ivy. Poison ivy is a great exfoliant and leaves me glowing from head to toe #itchyAF.
In case you’re wondering, I’m posting this from the back of a police cruiser on a phone the nice officer let me use after I wandered naked into a 7-Eleven and tried to buy Powerball tickets with a handful of acorns.
The raccoons gave me their numbers to play and then we’re going to split the winnings. I hope it doesn’t affect our friendship.
#peoplewhoselivesgotohellaftertheywinthelottery
#poopinginabucket
#raccoonlove
#mushroomsalllookthesame
#USABailBonds
"Raccoons are gentle lovers." That is an INSANELY funny line.
😂🤣😂 This is an awesome piece Bev!